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姑娘、我、生长记

生长记白水（马甲：许许、土拨许）

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思来想去很久，还是决定提笔写一写给博客起这样名字的心路历程，其中也会包括一些我写作的初衷及我自己也搞不懂的想法。整体书写结构偏向模糊，也没有任何华丽的辞藻，只为做个记录。

新世界大门

三年级那年家里拥有了第一台电脑，现在算算已二十年有余。她是台长城，配置取向办公，很普通，在夏季电压不稳的时候还会时常意外重启，后来等我懂一点电脑知识的时候发现问题出在哪块更普通的电源上面。

就是这台普通电脑，在那个物质以及精神世界都极度匮乏的时代，给了我新鲜世界的门票。

如果没有记错，我就是这个时候注册了人生中的第一个 QQ 并认识了人生中的第一位网友。她是位17岁的姐姐，姐姐的模样我至今深刻在脑海。记得那是斜斜的刘海；白白的脸颊；修长的手指；诱人的红唇，她是那么的美丽。事到如今，当我每每思考在我身上出现这么多姐弟恋情的时候，我都在迷惑困扰是不是因此事而起。

我小学那个时候，没有像现在如此的「鸡娃」，每天都能早早的完成作业，闲暇之余我接触到了我认为是世界窗口的 IE6 浏览器。看着琳琅满目的花花界面，在好奇，喜悦退后总是不免去想：这种好看又有趣的东西是如何做到的？

孩童时期的执行力真比现在优秀太多，但凡有空，我便开始反复使用搜索引擎来检索我心中的答案。过程中接触了「网页三剑客」、ASP、及各种免费空间等。成功搭建了第一个网站。

这是一个音乐网，使用了当时绕不开的 TK 域名。因为是个杰迷，便取了「无与伦比音乐网」的名字。但现实着实给予我一痛击，有人频繁发邮件给我说我涉及版权问题，年少无知也不懂太多，邮件内容也十分犀利，我非常害怕，没经多少思考便关站下线。至此往后的一段时间我对于网站的兴趣也减了大半。

忘不掉的姑娘

青春在我看来，就是初恋那件小事。懵懵懂懂的爱情，以及非她不可的想法。如果非要回望一下，是美好也是悲伤。

十几岁的年纪不免叛逆，除了逃课、追逐、游戏，女孩子几乎充斥着剩下的整个回忆。我建立过我那几个学年规模最大的 QQ 群，最后因女生解散。第一次谈课去网吧包宿打游戏，跟女生一块。第一次抽烟，因为女生。第一次被人约架，也因为女生，了解到的大概原因是说我抢了人家女朋友。

我并不是一个喜爱打游戏的人，在整宿的网吧娱乐就少不了去看看其他方面。这一次便接触到了 emlog 和 WordPress。我选择了前者，后者在后期也折腾过一些，很少，所以可以略过。期间整出过一套名为「木头木头」的 emlog 主题自用，写过几篇骚文，后期也因学业繁重，少于打理，慢慢消失。

接着再次折腾个人站点的时候已然到了大学毕业前夕。起因是失恋，写了封分手信。想想就是很可笑的样子，断断续续的网站之旅，半数以上与姑娘有关。唉… 虽然站点在本站开端三年之前关闭，但均有存档。文字内容后期心酸悲愤，我很排斥回忆这段内容，也从未想过翻过存档。只有份偏于直白的关于放在我的微信收藏里，下面引用一点原文节选。见笑。

农村户口非山区，会种地，会开拖拉机。/ 职业学院肄业。机械系。吊专业知识都不会。 / 职业是农民。 / 追求效率，紧靠自由。内心保守，却不陈旧。 / 喜爱女人，好色。（尤其腚大胸大腿长肤白） / 烟瘾很大，不挑价格品牌。喜喝酒，但不酗酒。 / 屋子干净，不邋遢，无汗臭，不打呼。 / 勤洗衣服勤洗澡。懂礼貌，讲文明，无不良嗜好。 / 性格多重，大多时间温文尔雅，时而痞子社会人。

生长的秘密

我一直觉得自己充满愚昧无知且不学无术，想法也易陷于自我。如今几年生活跌跌撞撞，几乎开始走向平淡，但时常还是会蹦出些大小事让我迷茫心中的所思及所想，我整不明白，便想是愚昧使我不得所以，不学无术让我拨不清迷雾，自我本质让我找不见方向。

这不免让我出现了一点压力，我开始找寻一个突破口来释放我的所思所想。前期开博的经历，让我很快决定以文字的形式来表达出来，写给大家看看也许还可以找到不同的答案。这便是说干就干，仓促的整出如今的《生长记》。

再说来还是一次很可笑的事。具体是关于域名这事，这个域名是我两年前随手注册而来，源于我喜欢的一个女生发给我的一个表情包，里面内容有一词是「土拨许」，谐音「土拨鼠」。我本姓许，女生也姓许，是巧合，也是一次得不到的无奈，更是再一次因为女生促成另外一件事。

用麦穗作为「LOGO」源于我对小麦特殊的感情。孩童时期，我的整个夏季几乎都在伴着金黄麦浪和场上拖拉机的打麦声。那会学校还会给放一周到两周麦假，干不了重活的小孩子们便是去路上捡拾洒落的麦谷。如果你当时足够能干，短短的一个假期后，你拥有的是一棒棒冰棍带给你专属于那个时期的甜蜜，是对劳苦过的丰收喜悦，也是对生长路途的迷恋。

本来没有想到什么有意义的名字，备案前夕我复盘写作的初衷，回想年少到如今，一路跌跌撞撞，出来很多谜一样的不解题，同样寄于打开突破口，记录迷题及往后一生，便取名于《生长记》。生长意为成长，简单的寓意也就是成长的记录，同样也包含我对着未来美好生活的强烈愿景。我始终想着，即使是这风也吹不出褶皱的平静日子，既然存在着小秘密，也该同样保持着闪光吧。最后，祝好！

2022-02-20 02:45

文章评论已有 71 条

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小予 2022-11-05 23:33
湖北

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回复
卧槽，虽然我是00后，为啥我感觉跟你遭遇一模一样😂
- 白水 2022-11-05 23:44
  安徽
  
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  回复
  这不分年纪，一些80后的故事也可能跟我们类似。
JoiT 2022-05-16 22:51
浙江

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回复
猿粪啊，我也是 3 年级有第一台电脑，可惜老爹老娘没给安网络，搞得我明明家里有电脑，还要晚上偷跑出去黑网吧，进行网上冲浪，哈哈
- 白水 2022-05-17 10:09
  上海
  
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  回复
  哈哈哈，是啊，我那时倒是有网络，电话线拨号上网，时不时掉个线😂。当时觉得那两根电话线神奇的鸭批😂，根本想不到还有光纤这种高速路。